As an assignment in my fiction writing class, I am writing critiques for some other students' stories-in-progress. While I have to put on a fake smile for the end product and give "constructive criticism", this site now features my REAL critiques of these stories:
James Roberts: Your story is like a David Lynch film; well-written, elegant, and mysterious, because I don't know what the hell is going on. What exactly happens when they almost hit that truck? Or do they hit it and pass through it? Is it some kind of "ghost truck"? Are you really writing a story about "ghost trucks"?? Needs work, Jimmy.
Toby Kawamura: This is a good little pointless story. I like the inconsequential plot, but I doubt the teacher will. I hate that guy. I think the reason his class is so hard is because a strap-on broke off in his ass and now he shits through a straw. You've seen the way he walks. Anyway, good story, except for that part at the end: "Instead of bright white, it was shaded bright pink." I am guessing the now-red light is symbolic for something, but I really don't know what, and I really don't care. For all I know it could represent the red of Jesus's balls; the point is that it confuses the reader, i.e. me. But still pretty good.
Cassandra Ben: Your story is terrible crap. Just because you like horses doesn't mean anybody else wants to read about them. Horses are boring. The people who ride them are also boring. The peoples' stories about finding the previous owners of their current horses are painfully boring. This is the kind of stuff that I was forced to read in the 3rd grade just because it had won a goddamn Newberry award. The only pleasure derived from reading your pile of words was the line "Some horses poked their heads out of their doorways and greeted the two women with nickers and neighs." Haw haw!! At least I know I can read your story if I want to fall asleep chuckling.
--Okay, seriously, the stories weren't all that bad. Well, the horse one was.
Makiko quote of the day:
"My head is hard. You wanna try?" (I think she meant... Actually I have no idea what she meant.)
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