Caws Radio

The Japanese "Durama" Rant

Over the past couple months I've been exposed to some prerecorded television "dramas" from Japan. I have come to the conclusion that these "dramas" are stupid.

I'm sure there are American TV shows/movies that are quite identical to these "dramas", but I never watch them, and not many other people do either. Soaps are on in the daytime and are viewed regularly by old people and middle-aged single women. What makes the "dramas" different is that, to my understanding, they are on during prime time and attract a large youthful audience, mainly because they almost always star a firm young pop musician.

I hate the dramas because they are so ideal. At any point during one of these shows (or movies...whatever the hell they are), no matter what the state of emotional anguish the attractive protagonists are in, I would still want their life rather than mine. To have a broken heart is one thing; to have a broken heart while lying on a bear-skin rug next to a glowing fireplace with a glass of 30,000-yen wine is quite another. I will now describe an ultra-simplified, fictional example of one of these dramas: A pop star's supermodel girlfriend walks in on him sleeping with another supermodel, so she cries and leaves him (the scene accompanied by the hit single off his new album!). The two estranged beautiful people live their separate lives for a while, each finding a new perfectly compatible supermodel/pop star to sleep with. But alas, they keep bumping into each other at flea markets, and awkward, sexually tense conversations ensue until broken apart by one of the new significant others. Finally, after hyper-dramatically leaving their new lovers, the two just happen to meet each other on that bridge in Venice(?) where they first met, and they look into each others' eyes for a full 7 minutes before breathily embracing one another. BUT, they decide that it can never be, because even though he says he will love her until the end of time (just like he sings in his hot new single!), the...music has swelled and the camera has begun to pull away, so the supermodel is left standing on the bridge in Venice in her brand new Pierre Cardin overcoat. THE END

Another great variation on the "drama" formula is the kind in which no one seems to acknowledge that these people are supermodels. "Hi, I am (Japanese Idol's name), and I have taken a break from singing songs and losing weight to star in my new movie. In it, I play a lonely runway worker..." Or how about this one: "In between posing for swimsuit calendars and starring in expensive porn films, I made a movie in which I play a lonely kindergarten teacher..."

Anyhoo, that's enough for today. I have to go sulk in my swimming pool full of money and prepare for my movie role as a hot-dog vendor. The drama!