whale fish, whale fish, wh-BOOM!

Honestly, what is it with exploding whales these days? It seems like just yesterday some people blew the whale out of a dead beached whale because they "couldn't stand the smell" (we know why they really did it- because they knew it would be awesome). Then there's something about exploding whales in Sweden...

And now this Taiwan whale. The funny thing about this one is that nobody blew it up. It just up and exploded. Gee whiz, folks! You don't need to dynamite 'em, after all! They're self-disposing mammals! Leave a dead whale lying around for a few days, and KABOOM! I love the Taiwan story because the whale was just sitting in the middle of a city street. I guess the truck driver stopped to get a cofee or something. The story probably would've been funnier if the truck was in heavy traffic when it happened, but hey, this is funny enough. I can just imagine a mom driving her kids to kindergarten, reviewing the alphabet, when suddenly a bunch of blood and entrails explode all over the windshield. "It's all over, kids! Judgement day! Repent now!!"

I'll bet the one marine biologist in town was just sitting on a bench nearby waiting for it to happen. Then when it did he probably shouted "I told you so, you sonsabitches!" and fell down laughing.

But wait, there's more to this story! It says that this particular dead whale was very impressive because of its huge member:
"More than 100 Tainan city residents, mostly men, have reportedly gone to see the corpse to 'experience' the size of its penis."


Wipe that grin off your face, you well-endowed explosive sea-mammal!

music news.

Andre 3000 is trying hard to break the thick, idiotic, manufactured shell that covers Hip-Hop City, but he is meeting opposition from 50cent. The two were last seen hovering in the skies above the city shooting fireballs at each other.

The band Jet recently starved to death after accidentaly locking themselves in a dull, old-fashioned garage. Why they chose to hang out in a lousy garage is unknown, although it is hypothosized that they saw other bands doing it and wanted to be like them.

A spaceship from the distant planet of Krap landed last month in England. The aliens that emerged from the vessel called themselves The Darkness, and have since flaunted their otherworldly ability to suck. The leader of the group was quoted as saying "We're like a big black hole- we never stop sucking, and...that's all."

I'm the real Michael Jackson!

Check this out, kids. Here's what Michael Jackson would look like if he was still black... and not a complete fruitcake:

Gimme your wallet!

some things.

Click here to see what was going on in Tokyo on my birthday. If you have a fast connection, I recommend checking out all of them.

So I printed out a picture of a Gain detergeant box and coloured it with water colors (- the water). I presented it to my interpersonal communications class today as my personal coat of arms. I'm proud of myself.

I think Adult Swim is the best thing on television. I watch little else. I watch the Daily Show when I can catch it, I watch Conan O'brian every now and then, I sometimes leave James Bond movies on while I eat or do dishes. The Adult Swim programming is just plain good Brett TV. I like Space Ghost, I like Aqua Teen Hunger Force, I like Sealab, I like The Big O, and I like Futurama. I promote Adult Swim.

helltrack.

I'm back in Corvallis, back to the school, back to getting pissed off at the library printers. Which printer is printing? Why won't it print both sides?? Where the hell is the stapler?? Most importantly, why should we be expected to print the damn notes ourselves when the school printers don't work properly??

Anyway, California is good. Just so you know. Tomorrow I am turning in a short paper on fashion evolution, that is, if I can find the school yearbooks. I've looked twice at this library and haven't yet located them. They must be here somewhere. I was told by natsuki that don't need to use students, that I can use something else. Had this been true I could have just done rock'n'roll fashion and cranked it out lickety-split. But I checked THE SHEET and it specifically said 'students'. So my mission this evening is to find the lost yearbooks and then write about the fashion evolution of the dullest students in the country. I am also giving a 3-minute presentation tomorrow in which I must show my interpersonal communication class who I am or something. I could just go up and make silly noises like I did when I was 4. Everyone would get the picture.

drive the worm around.

Apparently I'm off to California again for the weekend, so I won't be reporting for a few days. Don't think I'm dead. We all know what kind of trouble that can lead to, eh? Eh??

I found a great book at the OSU library. It's a children's book written and illustrated by a 1979 elementary school class. The stories are great; they start out simple, then get slightly redundant, then stop making any sense whatsoever. I wish all books were written by elementary school students. No more of this mundane John Grisham or Stephen King. If the story get's boring, just change the story entirely! Don't take 40 pages trying to turn it around. The dog ate too much, the dog got fat, the dog couldn't leave the house...then everything in the house suddenly broke and the dog got really small for no reason at all! Now that's compelling!

The illustrations are magnificent as well. In one, you can really see the determination on a hunter's face as he shoots a bear, somehow without a gun. In another, a boy's cat is depicted as a huge dinosaur-esque mass, perhaps an abstract expression of the cat being...huge and...deformed. But don't take my word for it. Go check out this buk from your local library today. *ba-dap bap!*

rudder field: more fun with web-translation.

Here are some recent highlights from Emi Necozawa's web diary:

"If the air is attached, because it has been time, school several hours later, without dropping either the make-up, that way you faint..."

"Returning to the house, washing the face, I faint. Evening ハッ, with occurring, it starts another deadline manuscript."

"The tobacco inhaling, it enters into the bed. Various ones like the animal to scamper in the head..."

"Even in absence electricity from rudder field. Evening exchanging is done. Today, John Phillip to - the sun and the boiled rice you eat the rudder field, passing. It is good?"

Mars.

So NASA has sent a new little robot to Mars to take some pictures, and what they got back is astounding. Here are the new Mars photos that have the world in awe of the red planet all over again.







My god.

take your hat, boy.

what I did this afternoon:
new solo song (new solo name)

hey, are you blacklisted?

NRA's scowling list of anti-gun celebrities and organizations

Go see if your favorite celebrities are hated by the NRA! I couldn't believe that Mase made the list. First off, is he even around anymore? Secondly, I KNOW he's rapped about capping some asses. And I noticed Steven Segal isn't on the list. That guy probably keeps a glock in his underpants. I like how everyone's field is specified except for all those Zappas at the end. Who knows what they do, right? They probably wouldn't even be celebrities if their name wasn't Zappa.

I heard Dustin Hoffman actually called up the NRA and said "what gives, dog? Put my name on that mutha." If it's that easy, I'm gonna call them up and have my name put on the list. I want the NRA to know that they hate me.

OSU is finally conquered by the elements.

Last night it snowed more. A lot. Then it rained a little. The result was a thick white layer of frozen snow covering all of Corvallis, and OSU had to close its doors and cancel its classes for the day. But I'm not scared of snow. With coffee cup in hand, I set out this morning on an expedition around campus. I thought it a shame that most students were just sitting in their rooms, scared of the "deadly snow" outside that would eat their flesh away and kill their motor cars. Everything was clean white, and the frozen snow cracked and broke beneath my feet like...I don't know...tortilla chips. Some guys were skiing down the street behind the library. Myself and some other curious explorers stopped and watched. "Feel Flows" by the Beach Boys played on my keen new MP3 walkman. "Whether whiteness whisks soft shadows away." Whatever that means.

So I went to the bookstore and bought some books for school. I began reading Culture Jam by Kalle Lasn, and it's pretty funny. "A culture that keeps hyping people to consume more is not cool. America is not cool. And the people who fall for the hype are the worst kind of uncool: They're suckers."

Maybe tomorrow classes will be cancelled again. If so, I will probably just sleep all day.

Dusty Vindictive Dobermans

Over the break I watched some keen DVDs on my keen new DVD player. First, I viewed some grand films from a Studio Ghibli collection I borrowed. Studio Ghibli is the home of Hayao Miyazaki, one of the smartest and most inventive filmmakers alive today. I was finally able to watch a subtitled version of Porco Rosso, which is one of my favorite Miyazaki movies. Tis a shame it hasn't been domestically released in America; it's required viewing for anyone who reads this site!! Hopefully it will show up in the States soon, seeing how Ghibli stuff is gaining popularity over here.


When pigs fly!! Ha ha...No, that's too obvious.

The other DVD I viewed was one with both The Street Fighter and Return of the Street Fighter . I can sum up the plots of both movies in one sentence: Sonny Chiba plays a badass karate master who goes around killing gangsters with incredible moves. Those moves include punching guys in the stomach, punching guys in the face, whacking a guy's head with a steel pipe, and punching a guy in the back of the head so hard that his eyes pop out. These movies are hilarious. Sonny Chiba discovered the secret to competing with Bruce Lee films: just add a bunch of ridiculous violence.

I will, pa. I will.

back at skolliwoll.

School has begun, and so has snow. Everything is icy. I saw a kid fall on his face in the street while riding his bike. Somebody yelled out "Man down!"

Now there is a couch in my apartment. The great open space that amazed me when I moved in is now slightly filled. My roommate also brought in a nice lamp, which is something that we needed. A home is growing!

snow backwards is "wons".

I'm back in the Leb and today it snowed. A lot. So me and my boyz built a snow-Tristan in a snow-chair, and Andy tackled him. Then we went sledding on Tristan's car floormat sled and had a grand time until it began raining and Jack Frost started eating our flesh away.

Damn you, Keaton! Stay away from my nose!!

And the new year happened. We celebrated the changing from '03 to '04 by spinning walnuts on my kitchen table and watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Good times.

the New Year.


Turtle soup!!