Caws Radio

life on the farm.

My name is Hamegg. I own a farm at the edge of a small town, out in God's country. Well, I don't own the farm. It was my father's - or grandfather's, I don't really recall - and he died or something. So I was summoned to come and attempt to restore the farm to its alleged former glory. Whether or not it ever was glorious, I have no idea; for all I know my grandfather went nuts, pissed on all his produce, shot all his livestock, and saved a bullet for the back of his throat.

Nonetheless, it has been a good year. I came round in the Spring, dubbed the farm Nazereth, cleaned up the place, bought some seeds and went to work. At the beginning of Summer, Barley, an old farmer who lives down the road from me, brought by a young horse and gave it to me. I named him Breakin, after the 1984 breakdancing film. I hear the town has annual horse races, so I may eventually be a jockey and earn some winnings. I also have a dog named Dogimus, and I play catch with him every day. I bought the ball for 100g from Won, an eccentric character who hangs out at the pub on weekends and sells exotic seeds. I like the guy. He's a kick.

The town is small and quaint. Its highlights include a library, a pub, a store, a church, and a beach, and every couple weeks there is a town event to strengthen the commuity. I used to go to the pub and drink most every night with the local folks; Cliff the vagrant, Grey the farmhand, Gots the blacksmith, and Rick the fag. The bartender's a jolly fella, and his daughter Ann is a peach. Truth be told I used to frequent the bar just for her (and cause her bedroom's right upstairs), but she fails to interest me anymore. Actually, since the summer's ended the place has been closed in the evenings, so I haven't been back much. There was also a guy named Kai who came for the summer, owned a place on the beach. Me and the grocer's daughter would go hang out with him in the afternoons and get fuuuucked uuuuuup.

The church is run by the young pastor Carter, who doesn't hold any kind of service on Sunday. "I used to," he once told me, "but now that I've found a new kind of faith I no longer see the need." He since hasn't revealed anything more about his 'new kind of faith', and I'm starting to fear for the town's children.


Male bonding through good ol' illegal cockfighting. Then it's time for some hoochie coochie.

The girls in town are all wholesome and healthy, young and pretty, ripe and ready. There's the librarian, to whom I used to bring fruits. Then there's the nurse, who blushes when I talk to her and once stopped me on the street to give me something she cooked. Kooky bitch. There's also a girl named Popuri who lives on the chicken farm. She's real fine, and she smells nice; I stop by her place sometimes and she...shows me her flowers. But my woman of gold is the grocer's daughter Karen. We've been seeing each other regularly since the beginning of summer, and things are going well. She doesn't seem aware of my interactions with the other girls in town, which I suppose is for the better. Last week she and I went up to the mountain to look at the moon, and to make a long story short, I got home the next morning.

It's Fall now, and last week old man Buck asked me if I'd like to work part-time for him at his winery. I said sure, and even brought along Cliff to lend a hand. I figured he could use the money. I don't need the income so much; my farm's produce brings in the dough, and on top of that I collect nature's bounty from the nearby mountain and sell it for top dollar. I even managed to hatch some chickens, and the goddamn things lay eggs every day, which go straight to the shipping box and turn into cold hard cash. Pretty soon I'll be able to buy this town.
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