I am a skinny bastard, and science has a name for people like me: ectomorph. Cancerweb's medical dictionary defines ectomorph as:
"A constitutional body type or build (biotype or somatotype) in which tissues originating from the ectoderm predominate; from a morphological standpoint, the limbs predominate over the trunk."
That definition may work for all you anatomy students out there, but I prefer the explanation provided by a bodybuilding website I found:
"The extreme ectomorph physique is a fragile and delicate one. The bones are light, joints are small and muscles are slight. The limbs are relatively long in proportion and the shoulders droop. The ectomorph is a linear physique. Straight up and straight down, and may appear longer than he or she really is, due to the length of limbs coupled with lack of muscle mass developed on those limbs. The ectomorph is not naturally powerful and will have to work hard for every ounce of muscle and every bit of strength he or she can gain."
I like how they explain the ectomorph like some kind of wild animal. This particular website goes on to paint a virtual picture of me, describing details like "The features of the face are sharp, and the shape of the face is triangular. The lower jaw is somewhat receding." They even mention "fine hair that grows quickly", and I don't even know what that has to do with bodybuilding. But the facts are all there; I am 100% ectomorphic.
In American society ectomorphs take a lot of flak. We get pushed around on the playground, made fun of in PE, overlooked by women, and are constantly told that the only way to make it in the world is to beef up and try to achieve mesomorph status. But why should we? What's so important about being physically larger? We don't need to hunt down and wrestle our food like our ancestors did. We have guns. We have restaurants. We have wallets. Size no longer indicates power in this day and age of billionaire nerds.
The time of the ectomorph is upon us. Our revolution is at hand. Let's face it; big is out. We're living in the future, one in which smaller is better. Smaller things, compact things, the application of intelligence and problem-solving to make things more convenient. Smaller cell phones, smaller computers, smaller cars, smaller people...Wait, it almost sounds like I'm describing Japan. Yes, that will be our headquarters, our base of operations, our haven. Japan is a place where ectomorphs like Satoshi Tsumabuki and Ryuhei Matsuda can achieve fame and fortune (and have Japanese girl's devote fan-sites to them). Even Momus has a place in Japan, where skinny guys hold just as much power as non-skinny guys, thanks to a recurring underdog theme in Japanese culture and narrative in which the "smaller" man comes out on top. Sure, the big guys may have power and status, but the little guys can build spaceships and tell better jokes. And they are more kawaii.
I have friends who continually tell me that I'm "too" skinny. Is my thinness really such a problem? My health doesn't seem to be at risk. If anything, I'm happy to be skinny rather than the alternative. I am in no way anorexic or worried about my eating habits, goodness no. I take advantage of my ectomorphism. I eat whatever the hell I want, and in firm defiance of the laws of weight-gain my body shows no signs of it. Am I blessed? I like to think so! Or perhaps this is evolution. As makind grows out of the need to physically defend themselves daily (against dinosaurs and barbarian hordes), humans are evolving into thinner beings with larger brains and better metabolism. We're virtually one step away from becoming floating telekinetic heads.
I warn you now, the world is ours. Join us in our revolution!
Too good to be true, but this could be you/The ectomorph, our hero, is the male sex, Release 2.0*
*lyric altered from How to Spot an Invert, by Momus, 2000.
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