Caws Radio

e-disHarmony.

I remember a TV ad telling me that eHarmony.com uses a comprehensive database system to provide the most exact, reliable, successful method of matching up people with potential "soul mates," and that viewing these matches is completely free. Well, today I was bored, so I thought I might just see what kind of "soul mate" they could come up with for someone of my breed. After completing a 15-minute personality and preference survey, they gave me this:






















Rejected from online dating! How tragic! The most advanced matching system on the web, and I still come out single. It's like a big online joke, and this page is the glorious punchline. I like their line about how they "sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match." Because I suppose they have their reputation to worry about; they wouldn't want to match a defective like me up with somebody who might complain.

Then again, they do mention that their matching system is created through research with married couples. Perhaps they could ascertain from my answers that I'm not the marrying type, so naturally I don't belong on a site that boasts "90 marriages a day." But I answered honestly, just as they asked. I also noticed that their questions seemed primarily concerned with how well you can solve conflicts and whether you are a "leader" or a "follower", as if it were some kind of job questionnaire. No room for followers here! Only leaders will get ahead in a relationship! Be firm and commanding with your employee/mate! Experience preferred!
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